Emotional Process in Society
Posted by Isaac Butterworth | Filed under Bowen Theory
On March 4, we began a series on the theory of family systems developed by the late Dr. Murray Bowen. In the ensuing weeks, we have used Dr. Robert M. Gilbert’s book, The Eight Concepts of Bowen Theory, as a resource to look at each of the first seven concepts in turn:
- Nuclear Family Emotional System / Part One
- Nuclear Family Emotional System / Part Two
- The Differentiation of Self Scale
- Triangles
- Emotional Cutoff
- Family Projection Process
- Multigenerational Transmission Process
- Sibling Position in Bowen Theory
We are now ready to explore the eighth concept, which Dr. Gilbert calls Societal Emotional Process. She quotes Dr. Bowen, who wrote about…
…growing evidence that the emotional problem in society [is] similar to the emotional problem in the family…. When a family is subjected to chronic, sustained anxiety, the family begins to lose contact with its intellectually determined principles and to resort more and more to emotionally determined decisions to allay the anxiety of the moment. The results of this process are symptoms and eventually regression to a lower level of functioning…. The same process is evolving in society…. We are in a period of increasing societal anxiety… [and] society responds to this [in the same manner as families sometimes do] with emotionally determined decisions to allay the anxiety of the moment…” (Murray Bowen, 1975).
The emotional process we observe in families, then, occurs in other organizations as well, and even in society at large. While Dr. Gilbert devotes a chapter to societal emotional process in The Eight Concepts, I find the treatment in her book, Extraordinary Relationships, more helpful in terms of understanding the idea. In that book, she notes that society tends to fluctuate between periods of progression and regression, a cycle to which she refers as societal process. As anxiety begins to run high in society, regressive behavior may occur on a massive scale. One indicator of this may be the refusal of institutions like the family or the court system to act responsibly when behavior begins to break down. In contrast, periods of societal progression, which appear to occur in less anxious times, see individuals, families, and social institutions exhibit higher levels of responsibility.
Problems in international relations, says Dr. Gilbert, are seen often as a matter of conflict resolution, and she does not deny the need for efforts along these lines. Conflict, however, is only one of five relationship postures into which people and nations become locked. These five patterns, you may recall, are:
- triangling
- conflict
- distance
- overfunctioning
- underfunctioning
What would happen if those who promote the idea of conflict resolution were to broaden their understanding of relationship patterns to include the other four? Dr. Gilbert asks, “What part do the other patterns play in the kind of conflict that leads ultimately to war? And, short of war, how much human misery is bound up in these patterns?” She also asks: “If nations can be said to have postures one to another, what would a distant posture between two nations look like? How about overfunctioning/underfunctioning? Triangling? And how does conflict look between nations when it becomes a pattern?” (Extraordinary Relationships, p. 167).
Bowen theory states that a family’s functioning improves — that is, it resorts less often to emotional relationship patterning — when a person in the system moves to a higher level of differentiation of self. Can a whole nation do that? Is it possible for a nation to be guided more by carefully considered principles than by its automatic reactivity? Murray Bowen wrote on this very subject. He said:
In a small or large system, the move toward individuality is initiated by a single, strong leader with the courage of his [sic] conviction who can assemble a team, and who has clearly defined principles on which he can base his decisions when the emotional opposition becomes intense.”
Rabbi Edwin H. Friedman concurs. In his book, A Failure of Nerve, he writes about the fact that living with crisis is a major part of any leader’s life. “All the factors that go into self-differentiated functioning,” he says, “help resolve crises in more fundamental ways than is accomplished by anxiety-driven quick fixes” (A Failure of Nerve, p. 27). Differentiation of self is, then, as Dr. Gilbert describes it, the “cornerstone concept.” Every social system, whether a family or the entire society of which we are all a part, improves when there arise those who function less and less in reactive ways (utilizing patterns of triangling, conflict, distance, overfuntioning, or underfunctioning) and who function more and more on the basis of guiding values and clearly held principles. Israel Galindo defines differentiation of self as the capacity “to be in relationships with others and approach life without being ruled by emotional reactivity.”
This is what is needed in families. This is what is needed in congregations. This is what is needed in business and educational institutions. This is what is needed in society at large. Self-differentiation will not happen for any of us overnight. It is a life-long process. But it can begin now. I encourage you to read this series of posts again and, if possible, to spend time with the resources I have mentioned.
But, most of all, I encourage you to think “systems,” to take note of how you respond or react in an anxiety-producing situation. Do you resort to the relationship patterns we have described as reactive, or are you able (over time) to differentiate yourself from the prevailing emotional gridlock while also maintaining your connection with others in the system? Can you define yourself with ever diminishing concern over what others will think of you or how they may seek to sabotage your efforts? (Systems do not like to change, and less well-differentiated members of the system will seek to undercut your attempts to be more self-differentiated. Your task is not to change them but to remain strong. Their reactivity and efforts to sabotage you are really signs of your effectiveness. Such reactions on the part of others also present to you the most severe sort of temptation to revert to old patterns. Hang tough!)
If you are able, spend time with siblings, parents, and grandparents. (Remember the multigenerational transmission process?) When contact with family members leads to anxiety, remain conscious of your responses. Seek to regulate your own emotions. Work through any emotional cutoffs that may be in force. Stay focused on your own growth, not on trying to get others to be different. In short, work on your capacity for self-differentiation.
I would be interested in reading any comments you may have with regard to Bowen family systems theory, and, if you are willing to share your experiences with applying the theory, I would welcome your comments on that as well.
Finally, let me be clear: Bowen theory interests me not because I have mastered it either conceptually or in practice. If you know me personally, you know this to be the case. I am working on enlarging my own capacity for self-differentiation, a major effort in light of a lifetime lived in fused relationships, in which I have sometimes overfunctioned (by assuming responsibility for everyone else’s feelings) and sometimes underfunctioned (by failing to be decisive for fear of the outcome). This is all to say that I am not writing as an expert but as a fellow traveler on the road. If the journey looks inviting to you, I encourage you to undertake it. And may God guide us all along the way.
Photo Credit: Granville Squared by Evan Leeson
March 29, 2010 at 10:51 am
Ike,
God bless you! I have loved reading all these posts. I love your ability to teach and explore. So illuminating!! This Bowen Theory impacts on so many different levels. One can see themselves instantly in some areas and not at all in others. This is a great exercise and thought provoking amongst whatever “system” in which we are involved or concerned. I love your blog. I have always wanted to be “inside your head” because you are so well-read, well-intentioned and gracious. Thanks for the opportu;nity.
Marilyn Askins
December 23, 2010 at 11:25 am
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